Creating a Daily Writing Habit

Hello, dear reader. If you're still with me, well by gosh and golly gee, you must really like me, my poetry, and/or my silly little blog musings. It's been a while, and even before then updates were less frequent. I can't promise to be more frequent, though I should promise. Not-blogging is similar to not-calling a friend you haven't spoken to in a while: the more you wait, the more awkward you feel about reaching out.

Well, awkwardness be gone!

Writing has always come to me in waves. poetry, blogging, essays, stories, emails, descriptions of pretty hair accessories - whatever I'm writing, the words are never steady. I'm a good writing-sprinter. This process works for many, many writers.

A few weeks ago I decided it doesn't work for me anymore.

If you know me, you're probably used to my dramatic, sweeping lifestyle changes. Every few years or so I have a new job, life path, hobby, partner, apartment, and favorite snack (Triscuits!). But these things have remained mostly the same after year one here in San Francisco. Still a poet, 4+ years with Sal in the same apartment (good god I never want to move again). And while the last two years were full of many new things, as I begin my third year in San Francisco this month, I realize that I've kinda got this down. Perhaps that's why I'm doing so well with starting a new daily-writing habit.

My new friend (ok...) therapist pointed out last month that it seems like I don't take my writing seriously. How could this be?! All I do is writing-related! And that's it right there. Related. Not writing, not mine. I've got Submission Bombers, Weave, teaching, copy writing, readings, submitting, etc. but none of these things boil down to Butt-In-Chair™ (BIC) Time (trademark pending...).

Most of the time, I decide to do something and then do it for a day and then forget. Or I do it for 5 minutes and get distracted. Occasionally I do it for a few weeks and then forget. And sometimes I decide to do something and I do it. Today. Yesterday doesn't matter (though I'm proud of it), tomorrow will come (though I do prepare for it). Today is most important. Today I spent four hours in a cafe (mostly) writing, which included the following exercises:

• revising old poems
• revising more recent poems
• reading old journal entries
• writing word lists
• pilfering words from the Hayes Valley Newsletter
• pilfering words from word lists
• writing 11-syllable lines
• turning 11-syllable lines into a sonnet

I also spent time doing the following non-writing things:

• writing postcards (doesn't count as creative writing for now)
• posting pictures of tea and breakfast to Instagram
• Tweeting too much
• IMing with Sal about Justin Timberlake & Jay Z concert tickets
• securing said Justin Timberlake & Jay Z concert tickets (24th row!)

My estimate would be at least 2/3 of my time was spent on writing, which is pretty good for me. I'm not so distracted because small exercises like word lists or 11-syllable lines count as writing time. I never have to draft a poem even. It helps that I'm reading Jane Hirshfield's Nine Gates simultaneously. She describes both boredom and interest as distractions. I don't write because I desperately want to in these morning hours: I write because it's my job, my art, my life-work. I'm developing habits so that later in life I'm not struggling with the same old tired issues, and I can learn to concentrate, in that poem-making way, on what it is I have to say.

Since I'm Too Tired to Write...

...here are some photos I've took with Instagram (I am @laurathepoet). Instagram finally became available for my Android phone and I've been taking lots of pics of the cityscape. It's part of my "look around" motto, to get me out of my head and experiencing my environment. Turns out May is a really beautiful month for flowers and flowering trees in San Francisco. I will be back to regularly scheduled blogging soon.

Just Called to Say

You know when you keep putting off calling a friend that it seems strange to call them after months of not talking, but you finally do, it feels like you haven't missed a day?

I hope that is how I feel by the end of this post.

I've started this paragraph a few times, but I can't seem to get going. I think I'm fatigued. Or anxious. Perhaps about my really long to-do lists. Maybe it's my slower work schedule. My freelance contract at ModCloth ended last week. I have lots of time. And lots of to-dos.

There, that wasn't so hard. Ok, it was kind of.

Despite having more time where I can do my to-dos, I'm not able to get started tonight. It's like the long distance race has begun. I can see all the other little runners ahead in the distance, while I sit in a lawn chair back at the starting line. Probably eating something involved peanut butter and a starch.

I think I need a vacation. Good thing we're going on one in February. Where, you may ask? No idea yet. Hopefully a place with water and sunshine and beer. And a big comfy bed.

No updates on my chapbook. I do have ice cream in my freezer. I think I'll eat some of it.

There. I broke the ice. I've reached the end. I don't really feel 'back in the blogging groove' just yet. But that's ok. Now that we've finally spoken, hopefully I won't wait so long before I call again.

Here's a blurry picture of me reading at East Bay on the Brain last Saturday. Perhaps I'll tell you about it next time.

Liebster Love and Other Good News

Hello friends and fellow bloggers. How's your Sunday night going? I've had a somewhat bumpy weekend, as I've not been feeling like myself lately, or perhaps too much like an old self I'd rather soon let go of, but luckily I've also received good news this week and I'd like to share it.

First up, the lovely Carol Berg has nominated me for a Liebster Blog Award! Here it is in PNG form:

Don't know what a Liebster Award is? Don't worry, neither did I until about an hour ago. In short, it's a way for up-and-coming bloggers to share some link love (Liebster is German for 'dearest' or 'beloved') with other up-and-coming bloggers. Once you've been nominated, the rules (created by some unknown force in the universe??) state you must thank your nominator and link to her blog (Thanks again, Carol!).

Next you must link to five other bloggers with less than 200 followers. How does one discover this information? It's not actually available, as far as I know. Technically you can find partial data if you use Google Reader and check their RSS feed stats, but that's only the number of subscribers also using Google Reader. Close enough.

Anyway, I digress and I will say that this isn't a real award - I didn't do anything like save children from a burning building or write the next Great American Novel. I just had a cool enough blog to get someone as awesome as Carol to read it regularly. But it is a nice way to expose your small blog's readers to other blogs you like. So, I'll share five blogs that I read regularly and these lovely people can nominate others if they like, but I'm letting them off the hook. You may accept your responsibility-free Liebster Award in whatever way you see fit.

Rachel Bunting, poet-friend and general awesome person.
Thom Dawkins, poet-friend and Chatham buddy along with Weave Event Assistant.
Aubrey Hirsch, fiction-friend, former-Chatham professor and my first younger-than-me instructor.
Bridgette Shade, fiction-friend and new-blogger.
Molly Spencer, poet-friend, workshop buddy, and fellow new Californian.

To my 40 subscribers I apparently have that also use Google Reader, I hope you will add these folks to your content streams. They's good.

My second piece of good news is something I worked really hard on. On Wednesday I got an email from Finishing Line Press stating they want to publish my chapbook, Braiding the Storm. I submitted it to their New Women's Voices competition in February, but when the results were posted this summer and I wasn't mentioned, I assumed the manuscript was no longer under consideration. However, they were still considering, they did consider, and they said yes.

I don't know what to say or feel about it yet, probably because it still doesn't feel real. I'm mostly just proud of myself, but it is hard for me to say that, especially in a public space. Pride is not a familiar feeling for me, since I tend to be hard on myself to the point where I develop eye-twitches and panic disorders. I never feel like I've worked hard enough. But I feel good about this. Better than good, but again, not sure, more new feelings. I really love Finishing Line though, and I'm so happy these poems will be out in the world. No release info yet, but I'll keep you posted.

To celebrate I am going to re-watch Beyonce's 2011 VMA performance of Love On Top while drinking some peppermint tea. She's so joyful in this performance and I want to try to be more joyful in my daily life. Plus, as far as pop music goes, I think this is one of the best live TV performances I've seen in years. You should watch it with me.

2011 VMA - Music - Beyoncé

A Colorful Cornucopia of Delicious Literary Autumn Squash!

I broke the ice last night and dove back into blogging after a hiatus for a couple of weeks. Maybe it was less than that, but I was writing every other day for a while there and then I started feeling guilty and so I just jumped in, jackknife-style, and now I'm covered with bloggy goosebumps and ready to share with you an autumn harvest of literary wonders!

First, in case we aren't Facebook friends, you might not have heard my happy news. My poem "Widowing" one the 2011 Crab Creek Review Poetry Contest. The contest judge of Dorianne Laux, who had some amazingly generous thoughts about the poem. It's a big huge giant honor to be selected and I'm seriously still flying high from the news.

I also attempt being a formalist poet over at Whistling Fire. Check out my poem "The Ordination of Woman" that the published last week.

In online literary news, a bunch of journals have released their latest issues including Toad, Boxcar, PANK, and Sweet. I plan to sit down with all of these issues and read read read this weekend. I love them all. I'm a particularly big fan of Rachel Bunting and Mary Biddinger, both who are featured in Toad. Also, Adanna Literary Journal, a lovely new feminist print journal, has featured the work of some of their latest contributors online. Check out Carol Berg and Mary Stone Dockery, two upcoming Weave contributors.

I just got my copy of Gregory Sherl's Heavy Petting. Super excited to read it. I've flipped through it and caught a few pages, but I've been super busy with starting new jobs this week. I'll be honest, I don't read a ton of male poets. It's taken me a while to find people I like, and sometimes I find myself being uber-critical, and I have to step back and try to take in the experience and perspective of another. Sherl's poetry, often about relationships and sex, is open, funny and honest. It's quirky, which seems to be "the thing" in the hip-poet world at the moment, but not so quirky that it misses the emotional boat ride. These poems resonate. Some are also pretty sexy. I like sexy poems. Also, can I just say, nice job YesYes Books! Your design and print work is simple, yet stunning. Check out the review of Heavy Petting at Read This Awesome Book.

Let's see, what else?

Read this interview over at Poets & Writers with John Murillo, where he discusses voice and reading your poetry.

In the intersections of technology and all things literary we find two great bits of news. One, the Poetry Foundation has an app for your smart phone. Pretty sweet to be able to pull up any poem you want, whenever. Also, for you Kindle users out there, you can now check out books from certain libraries that use a service called OverDrive. I haven't tried it yet, but if you do, please let me know how it works. I think this has the potential to be HUGE.

Pittsburgh, I miss you. I miss autumn and pumpkins and the gorgeous hillsides ablaze with color. The last reading I attended in Pittsburgh was City of Asylum's 2011 Cave Canem reading. It was fantastic and featured readings from poets Toi Derricotte, Cornelius Eady, Natasha Trethewey, and special guest Amiri Baraka. If you missed it, never fear. I've posted the video of Amiri Baraka's reading at the end of the post. You can also read an interview with Baraka in the latest issue of Sampsonia Way. While his poetry often sparks controversy, I think that is one of things I see less of in the world of poetry these days. Let's all go write some poems that piss people off this week, okay?

Oh boy, there is still more literary deliciousness!

Issue 06 of Weave was reviewed by NewPages. Says reviewer Hazel Foster, "this issue offers an accessible mix of prose and poetry." I agree! Also, "Weave is a great example of how an independent print magazine can succeed. Subscribe, submit, find a comfortable place to devour and enjoy." Thanks so much. Oh yes, subscribe or purchase by tonight and you can get half off anything you buy. Just use the code "BICOASTAL" at checkout.

On an unrelated note, everyone in California is wearing these shoes. I want them too now. They look super comfortable. I'm going to Nordstroms tomorrow to try on a pair I think. I need some comfy walking shoes. Also not literary, but still fun, are these comics about bisexuality. Definitely relatable.

My last morsel of lit news comes from the United States Postal Service. Thanks for putting more poets on stamps. I can't wait to get my hands on these! Send me a postcard with one of these and I'll love you forever and ever.

Happy reading everyone.

Some Thoughts on Blogging in the Writing Classroom

I came across this blog post (via Google+) about what blogger and professor Amanda Ann Klein has learned after two years of blogging (wow, I said blog a lot there). There are some excellent realizations from Klein in this post like, "blogging teaches you that your words are not gold" and "it's you, not them," meaning, your readers don't put pressure on you to blog, you do, and mostly they just want something to read, so stop obsessing about it and write!

I also like "blogging makes you a better writer" and "blogging makes you a better thinker." They are the same thing, really, related and refined versions of one another. Writing = Thinking. Thinking = Writing. I love the idea that often, you don't know what you are going to write about until you start writing. But what does writing begin with? A thought. So we write that thought down, and connect it to other thoughts that we have along the way.

"And after writing for a while I would start to see what it was that I wanted to write about — what my argument was — and this would then guide my research."

Yes! This has happened to me so many times when I blog (or when I write in general). It happened yesterday when I wrote this sad little cry for help or encouragement or a kind word. I wrote an essay about my mother breaking her arm, but by the third or fourth draft, I realized it was also about my divorce.

This puts that whole "just sit down and write" thing in another perspective, the advice that you need to sit and keep writing until you get to a point. Maybe that point is on page five or fifteen. I used to think that all the stuff you wrote before that point was then thrown out. But Klein helped me realize that it's much more complex. Those words won't go to waste. You might use them somewhere else, just not on page two. Or you may learn a lesson in editing or radical revision, even, and that is part of writing (back to the lesson about your words not being gold). Writing is messy at first, because our thoughts are messy. But that's one reason why we write. To make out thoughts less messy. To look at them. Mess them up again. To make them visible, tangible even. Move them around and see what emerges.

I had this philosophy class my second year of college. It was at a community college. Some my most memorable professors are from that year. This philosophy professor was great and I wish I could remember his name. He was a former preist, I think? Which is strange, because I went on to have a nun-turned-agnostic-trans-man World Religions professor.

But I digress. In this philosophy class, we discussed how language began as a tool that humans made, but now this tool makes humans. It affects our physiology; our noses and mouths and tongue and lips have evolved over time to have millions of little muscles that shape our ability to speak. Our thoughts, well, those are words now, and often our memories are words. I wonder if this is why we can't remember things from before a certain age, because we were pre-language. Our thoughts become words. They are, in this way, controlled and limited by our language.

But by writing, we can, in a small way, becomes masters of our thoughts. I say "master" and not "control" because those are different ideals. Control implies blind-authority, whereas mastering, well, there is a authority, but it's more skilled. As Masters of Our Thoughts, we can coax them out, perhaps even accessing other functions of our brain, make connections between images, symbols, feelings, and our word-thoughts.

Well, I just went down a writing-thought-philosophy-rabbit-hole, much further than I intended.

My other favorite point she makes is this: "Blogging teaches you that you need to do things in your own way — in a way that fits the way you live and the way you think — or you will never feel satisfied."

Truth.

Blogging (or writing) sucks when you feel like you have to. But it's awesome when you feel as though you must write or something terrible will happen.

All of these points I've made now bring me back to the title of this blog post: blogging in the classroom. Can we, as writer-teachers, use blogging in the classroom to teach our students these lessons? Would it be the same if we forced our students to blog X times a week? The reality is that we must make them write, because that's the subject of the class. And it doesn't have to be blogging. Journaling could work in a similar way (of course, it's less public and one could argue that audience plays a big part in the blogging). But I wonder, how can we recreate these lessons? Would it take two years? Can it be condensed into a semester?

Maybe the answer is that we can't recreate it. Students might just have to learn that part on their own. Maybe we just need to give them some tools for writing and send them on their way after three and a half months. Hope for the best. But I can't help but wonder if there is a way to transfer Klein's lessons to the writing classroom.

What do you think?

NYE in NYC!

I'll be spending the next week in New York City (queue Jay Z and Alicia Keys song) and I'm pretty excited. My boyfriend bought me this book as a supplement to my trip to San Francisco this summer. I'll be researching the Beats as a movement and exploring the city while visiting him for July and part of August. But for this week I'll get to do some boyfriend-family-friend bonding and returning a pair of boots I got from DSW. They make a weird noise when I walk in them. Like crinkling plastic. I can't have that.

I've been spending money a little bit lately, but I suppose that's just the holidays. Excess is the name of the game. I've bought presents for people, but also a lot of presents for myself. Mostly just things I've needed for a while now (like a new spatula) and also some things I could probably have gotten by without (like the car mount for my new Droid phone, but it's really sweet). Ok I just spent like 20 minutes updating my Amazon.com wishlist. I'm such a consumer these days. I think it's probably retail therapy. That's ok. I've had a shitty December.

I'll be posting some pictures of my trip to NYC and probably writing a bit about the experiences there. I'm driving there tomorrow so perhaps I'll manage to do some live blogging with photos and such. I've not tried that yet. Experiment! This will be a fun escape, as I've got poetry out to 8 journals and I've heard nothing from any of them. I need to write some more to send more work out so I can't stop worrying.

Another Poetry Blog

I've gone and gotten a little blog happy.

In September I began a new adventure. At 28 I started a new job, began my MFA in Creative Writing and moved into a new apartment. I also began a long distance relationship. I have another blog that I started back then (so so long ago) where I examine the overlap between being a student and a teacher at once. I found myself rarely writing there because it was so narrowly focused. I believe blogging to be a good tool for reflection and I certainly need to reflect on my experiences as a teacher and a student. But it felt incomplete or strange to write about poetry or the artists lifestyle in that space.

I know now I was leaving out something important. What does my life look like as a writer? More specifically, a poet? How can I present myself as a writer to the world? It might seem odd that I'd leave out this large detail, but it makes sense to me that, a few months ago, my focus was more centered upon learning to be a teacher. I've been a student before and the student aspect of those two roles was attached to being a writer. But I had never taught and I couldn't fudge that role. I had to know my lines.

I've got a good grasp of the job now and I know I have a lot to learn as a teacher, but more so lately I am fascinated by this lifestyle I have chosen. Being a writer is confusing. We are sort of the odd-ducks of artists, both inside and outside of a particular lifestyle. People do not perceive writers as artists. We can get away with seeming mainstream. We can pass as journalists and editors. We can be professionals.

Yet, I have chosen a subgroup of writers that people understand even less so, perhaps because of it's more obvious association with the role of an artist. Poets can't pass as mainstream. Automatically you are thrown into a category where assumptions are made (and some of them are true) and those assumptions may make us unrelateable to mainstream society.

So here I am, a writer, a poet, an artist of words, of language (yes, I said it) and I'm trying to figure out what that means.

I've been writing poetry and stories my entire life. It wasn't until this past year that I realized I have some real talent for writing. Recognizing that in myself was a long time coming. Like many people, I don't see myself as I am. However, I've set up a life that includes art and poetry and creativity around every bend. I've started a literary magazine, I run workshops, I organize poetry readings and I read my own poetry. I am well connected with my city's literary community and I feel at home here. I know writing is my calling and the literary artists are my tribe.

I had some big realizations this past week. After my boyfriend had to take a job in California, I was left to my own devices the following weekend. I wasted away (not just hours but) days of my week watching television, surfing Facebook and Twitter, sleeping and talking on the phone. I did a lot of crying and beat myself up for "being a writer" - whatever that means. After realizing that my behavior was a response to two things: the loneliness I felt after my partner left for the other side of the country and also to the lack of control I felt in my life. I finally had a job I enjoyed, yet I could not put the time into it I wanted to. I finally had the chance to delve into my writing, yet I found myself avoiding writing at all costs. Work was demanding. School was demanding. My relationship was now also demanding. I felt I had no time for any one thing, as I should always be working on something more important.

After realizing that television and the internet were distractions I was unable to discipline myself to avoid, I had my boyfriend permanently block my access to certain time-sucking websites. This past week I was forced to reconstruct my time and use it wisely. No distractions. Many questions came to mind. What was I doing with my life? What did being a writer mean? How should my life change? How should my day be organized? How should my writing and space and home be organized? How does one live like a writer? These questions only spawned more questions. I've been writing rather prolifically this past week too, beginning a number of new poems and voraciously editing many as well.

So here is where I will be discovering what it means to live like a writer, a poet, an artist. I have titled this blog "Dear Outer Space" after a new poem I've written recently. I feel like it's my strongest poem to date and marks a turn in my writing process. I am looking forward to beginning the process of getting my work published. I will examine the concept of space(s) in future posts, both outer and inner.

I like transparency. I like processing experiences in words. I like sharing said processes and experiences with others. I hope you like reading about them.