Wednesday, February 6, 2013

"Everything in Sugar is feminist"

excerpt from Bitch Magazine article "Sugar Rush" issue no. 56, fall 2012 
Can we have a sincere talk about beauty? I'd really like to chat about it. I want to pretend it doesn't affect me. It does. I worry. I fret over silly things. What's worse is I feel good when I look good. Why? Is that ok? Do I have to look good all the time? No, but I do have to have the "right" clothes. I know it's all crazy-talk. Brainwashing by a broken culture. I'm aware of my own internalization of these standards. Now what? I can't just will them away.

And the pictures online. Today I discovered #GPOY (read this for a great analysis of it's cultural meaning). For the most part I only post cute pictures of myself online. Unless I'm being funny. I couldn't share a bad picture. It sounds ridiculous. Why would I share a bad picture? But, why share a good one? Why share any? What are my expectations? This is on my mind a lot lately. Partly because I'm feeling better about my body because I'm taking care of it. I'm losing weight, which is great in many ways. I can honestly say that the main reason I started being healthy was because I was depressed and anxious. I did it for my mental and emotional health and it's working (along with lots of other internal work I'm doing). But I can't help but like how I look. And I feel shameful, mostly because I don't know how to undo it. The truth is I'm a few pounds and a bad hair day away from feeling like crap. Cheryl Strayed is right. But how do we "stand together against the beauty machine" while also not shaming ourselves?
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