Literary Roundup: Friend Edition

Hi friend! How are you? I miss you, probably, but if I've never met you, well then thanks for reading my silly little blog.

On the personal front, life is improving. I realized last week that I was drinking way too much caffeine. I have since cut it in half and despite the terrible headaches in the morning, I'm feeling so much better. Like, beyond better. Turns out, caffeine produces anxiety and fucks with your sleep. Duh, Laura. I accomplished a number of things this week that I have been putting off.

Good news on the job front: I got a call about a tutoring job! I would teach writing to small groups of kids in grades 1-5. Fun! I also applied to work at this little cafe down the street, so hopefully I will be able fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a barista.

I also finally ventured over to Books & Bookshelves, which specializes in books of poetry. I can't tell you how awesome this store smells. Old books + wood furniture = Nose Heaven. They also have a large collection of beautiful paintings. I bought a book by San Francisco poet Michelle Tea and I chatted up the employee, David Highsmith, also a poet and he gave me his book for free! Really nice of him. The furniture was surprisingly affordable, so Sal and I might venture over there this weekend to look at some headboards.  The store is now officially carrying copies of Weave Issue 06. They also have readings there, so I'm considering holding one for Weave.

Speaking of Weave, people are really talking up the latest issue on Facebook this week. There is lots of contributor love happening, which is great. I love when contributors find one another online and form mutual admiration societies. So cool. Also, this week we posted book reviews by poet (and friend) Thom Dawkins. Go read and then buy some books

Ok, what else is happening in my literary world this week?

Well, classes started up at Chatham and it's strange to not be a part of it. Grad school was over so quickly and now I keep finding articles that examine the value of the MFA. I have opinions on this. I will share them someday. In the mean time, read this fun piece by fellow Chatham alum Robert Isenberg, called "The Vanishing of Sombrero Man." He wrote this in our literary journalism class. It's cool to see it all finished and published.

Rattle wants to give you free books. All you have to do is write a review. Sweet!

The fall issue of A cappella Zoo is out. Online version coming soon. Somehow I missed the spring version (maybe it was that whole thesis-writing thing...) but I hope to read it later today and belatedly share some goodies with you.

That's all for this week, as I'm behind on blog reading. I started a new writing project, so I've been focusing a bit more on that. I hope you all have a fantastic long weekend. Enjoy all the fruits of your labor. Eat some BBQ. Read a book. I leave you with pictures of awesome people reading and a picture of me and Lindsey during her visit last weekend.

Seriously? Seriously.

I'm grumpy tonight.

I was up until 2:30 last night, unable to sleep, worrying about jobs and life and OMG I'M THIRTY and when was the last time I showered? Yeah. So then I was way too tired to go hiking around Muir Woods with my BFF and her family, who are in town for a wedding. So I stayed home, tried to work on my job stuff, revise some poems. I focused on Weave, did some reading. Finished up work for my last class.

I'm up again. I know I won't be tired for a while. If I try to lay there next to Sal, I'll just feel my heart start to beat out of my chest. I'll hear all the things I say to myself during the day, except all at once, in shouting voices.

I get pissed off when people don't take writing seriously.

Writing is work. Good writing. Sometimes we get lucky. We have that inspiration that strikes us like a big, fat, bolt of creative lightning and we run to the bank with that fucker. We take that shit down to the river and baptize ourselves in the ease of it. Or we should. Maybe when we first start writing, we know it's our medium. It feels easier to us than to our peers. But eventually, we all get herded toward one another as we get older. Some of us drop out of the pack because it's not easy anymore. It's grueling. It's late nights, avoiding sleep, three days without showers, where are my benzos? and thank god for whiskey.

I get pissed off when people take themselves too seriously.

There is this culture of irony and strangeness and distance in writing. I wrote a sentence. It's weird. Look at my weird sentence. Isn't it ironic? No. It's not. It's lazy. It's uninteresting. Where is the depth? Where is the connection? Where is the concerto? Where are my benzos? Yeah, we get people who like to put up a front, be cool. I've just never been cool. Like, I'm so uncool, it's pathetic. But I work hard. I write hard.

But then I get pissed at myself for taking everything too seriously. Every. Effing. Thing.

It's becoming clear to me that I will most likely work at the mall if I don't get my shit together this week. I will explode if I don't write a good poem soon. Mediocre even. Soon, I will eat breakfast for dinner and lunch. I'll sleep through breakfast. This is my life. Waking up and avoiding anything that might make me anxious until bedtime. I work in between. I take breaks. Boy I'm tired. But not tired enough to sleep yet.

Breakfast at Noon

I've been living in San Francisco for over a month and I can't say it feels anything like home yet. I like our apartment. We have so much junk everywhere though. It has take all of my willpower to not spend all day organizing and cleaning. I did break down and try to put my IKEA desk (back) together. Somehow I thought I could do it despite the fact that 1) I didn't have directions, 2) it was not taken apart completely from the move, and 3) I was alone in a really cramped office space. How could I have possibly failed? I should make myself feel bad for that. Done.

I've been working hard this week on the dreaded job applications. The process involves a constant battle with self-doubt in the face of a ridiculously competitive job market. I fluctuate between thoughts like, I will be such a fun professor! to I wonder how much I will make at Starbucks? pretty much all day long.

I've been struggling with writing here too. I know I have some new readers and I wonder, do I have anything interesting to say right now? I'm a relatively uninteresting person this week, on my computer pretty much all day. Sometimes I look out the window.

I was fascinated by this article about the lives of modern writers. Apparently we are becoming healthier! Tell that to the bowl of cereal I just ate for... dinner? lunch? Well, I did have a really healthy breakfast today, so I can't complain. Here is a picture of it: maple and brown sugar oatmeal, banana,  cantaloupe and coffee. It was tasty.